The 20 Immutable Laws of Bowling

July 19, 2011 | Uncategorized

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We borrowed this from Paul Kreins -


THE 20 IMMUTABLE LAWS OF BOWLING

LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, you should have Inner Peace knowing that a worse one is yet to come. This LAW does not expire in the 10th frame, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a league season and, eventually, a lifetime.

LAW 2: Your best game of bowling will be followed almost immediately by your worst game ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.

LAW 3: Brand new bowling balls are damage-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the bowling ball, the greater its attraction to damage from pinsetters, loose screws, broken ball tracks, malfunctioning ball returns, stuck pins, etc.

LAW 4: The lower a bowler’s average, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.

LAW 5: The higher a bowler’s average, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.

LAW 6: The last three frames of a game will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.

LAW 7: Bowling should be given up at least twice per month.

LAW 8: All vows taken in a bowling center shall be valid only until the next day.

LAW 9: Since bad shots come in pairs, your third consecutive bad shot is really the beginning of the next pair.

LAW 10: If it ain’t broke, try changing your grip, your ball, your line, your speed…

LAW 11: It’s surprisingly easy to get a strike when you’re on a 170-pace.

LAW 12: Every time a bowler throws a four-bagger, he must subsequently leave a 4-6 split and miss a 10-pin to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.

LAW 13: If you want to throw the ball like Norm Duke, Chris Barnes or Mika Koivuniemi, simply try to… oh, who are we kidding? You’ll never throw the ball like them.

LAW 14: There are two things you can learn by stopping your back swing at the top and checking the position of your hand: how many fingers you have, and which one is wearing the glove.

LAW 15: Brand new bowling balls come with three complimentary strikes and one good game. Thereafter, you are on your own.

LAW 16: Bowling pins never bounce out of the pit or off the sidewalls when such behavior might actually do you some good (i.e. a big split). If one did, the pin would be breaking a law of the universe and would have to be taken out of the rack and turned into a lamp.

LAW 17: No matter what causes a bowler to make a bad shot, all his teammates must solemnly chant in unison, “You dropped your shoulder,” or invoke the wrath of the universe.

LAW 18: Every bowling pin in the universe has a secret desire to humiliate bowlers. The newer the pin, the greater its desire.

LAW 19: Lane oil is a living, breathing, intelligent organism. If it isn’t, how do you explain how it works against you, moves around, disappears and reappears?

LAW 20: Your starting lanes in a tournament will be on the farthest pair of lanes from the locker room.

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